i haven’t seen nancy today so no reporting of my goals. in groups we were going around sharing and by the time it got to me, i said i didn’t want to speak for just one minute. than she wanted me to have individual with me today but i couldn’t because i wanted to work on my first step. it was nice to stand up to her and be assertive. another assertive moment was today at lunch when juliann stood up to one of her doctors who wanted to pull her from lunch. we all supported her in standing up to him and being assertive. or when dr. lado said i couldn’t handle the neurontin – but i said it wasn’t me, it was my blood pressure.
kate left today and its hard knowing she’s over ther with paige and i am not. also went to the grocery store, i felt like a third wheel since i was the only one who had been there before in the group. i also had dr. lado and aside from the blood pressure comment he made it sound like letting go was a lot like dropping a sock on the floor. i also felt belittled, like my pain was nothing. its a big deal to me.

its been a crazy day. i hate being so lack of energy. it was a boring day overall. got lots of postal letters today – about eight. i am doing better at meals but only if they’re really simple. peanut butter is an easy fat because it doesn’t crunch, not oily like most and its easy to swallow. but i feel myself already slipping and i’m not even out yet.