i just ate and want to cry. i cant stand the way my stomach feels. in the beginning of peanut butter (#1) i already felt as though i was going to puke – involuntarily. what the hell is that? i am really getting to the point that i hate food. it disgusts me.
it has been a hard day. not too willingly either. kate had her coining today. i said “the attention you are looking for isnt always where you look for it.” and “recovery is a lot like searching for your car keys, you dont find them until you stop looking. thus, recovery often comes when you stop hunting for the notion of the word and start following the grace of it.” i talked to paige als, it’s been hard to hear kate talk about silouette and not be able to go there.

i got off of my neurontin due to severely low blood pressure (80/68) and it making me feel like i am going to pass out.

why do i always write in my journal during ab? perhaps because my mind is most jogged right now of memories and livelihood and wrecklessness.

i am sitting at metabolics and i am in intense pain in the usual area on my right side near my hip., it kills and i want to be a fucking baby and cry over it.